There it was, just what I was looking for, a stylish pair of blue jeans. I picked out one in my size and went to try them on. In the dressing room I discovered that they did not fit. Not only did they not fit, they were not even close to fitting.
Woman Zipping JeansMuttering under my breath, I redressed and went out to select another size. The next size up did not fit either. Were the jeans I was wearing my favorite jeans or were they the only ones that fit anymore?
Tears filled my eyes as I quickly put on my worn and faded jeans. My only thought was to get out of the store before I burst into tears. It was painful to have my emotional blindfold ripped from my eyes to see the truth in a department store mirror. I had avoided shopping for new clothes, and I had avoided weighing myself, all to avoid admitting I was gaining weight. Yet in the end, the weight was there and I was no longer able to turn away from the truth.
After a prolonged cry and then a bout of anger, I realized that I was now free from my self-inflicted bondage. No longer did I have to avoid my image in store windows. No longer did I have to pretend my clothes fit. I harnessed the emotional energy I had spent on denial and turned it full-force on positive action. I turned the page in the book of my life and began a new chapter.
The first step was a visit to the library where I checked out a stack of books on health and nutrition. Next on the list was a long overdue visit to the doctor. He ran tests, said I was in good health, but needed to lose weight, not a surprise.
It has been a long journey of small steps and my emotions have run the gamut, but now when I try on a pair of jeans there are no surprises. That day in the department store, I went searching for jeans and found me.
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